Geek Public Service Announcement

As a fine upstanding member of society it is my civic duty to lend a hand for the common good if requested. The thing is, I haven’t been called on to perform jury service, nor have I been conscripted into the army, and although I think I could make a big difference, I haven’t yet been deputised to the local sheriff’s department to help combat our local bandit problem (I’ll get you one day el diablo loco!).

Thus I’m afraid I will have to fall back on my geek roots in order to feel a fully useful member of society. So listen up, I’m about to impart some technological wisdom.

Tip #1: For the love of god and all that is holy, don’t install windows vista! (yet)

This is very important, for it is truth universally acknowledged that a geek with too much time on his hands will attempt to install another operating system; and if that operating system is a new windows release, then only pain (or in the worst cases, death) can ensue.

I really cannot advise strongly enough against it, yet some will still be tempted by this madness. You could be fed up with XP, maybe someone gave you a “fully legit review copy”, or perhaps it’s simply that your new computer came with one of those ‘vista ready’ stickers slapped on the front? Whatever happens, fight the urge.

The lesson to follow is this. Don’t upgrade or install a new Microsoft OS until at least service pack one (see here). The initial Windows releases are always buggy, vulnerable to viruses and spyware, quite unstable and not worth the effort, I mean really, what is it going to offer at present that XP doesn’t? Answer: Nothing at all.

Now of course, over the years new versions of Windows have got much better. You may remember how Windows 95 crashed every 2 minutes, 98 crashed every hour, and ME, only once every few hours. However since moving to the NT product line, by which I mean windows 2000 and XP, things have gotten a lot better. The blue screen of death (BSOD) is now quite a rare occurrence and new installations are a lot more professional and easy to perform than before. Yet not all bugs are as obvious as the BSOD, or as easily fixed. There is still a lot of scope for things to go very wrong with Vista, especially as it is based on entirely new software..which is bad. Basically it was not developed on top of proven Windows XP technology, but written afresh. Thus like all new software, it will be full of loopholes just waiting to be found and exploited. Think of it this way, they’re still fixing new loopholes found within XP five years after its release!

So please, wait a year and stick with XP for now. You won’t be missing much at the moment, and in my honest opinion this is the golden age for Windows XP. It’s stable, every program out there has been designed with XP compatibility firmly in mind, you can customise it well, and importantly, well for me anyway, my parents know how to use it. Just think of all the agro involved in teaching your technophobic parents about 3D desktops and the like, it really doesn’t bare thinking about!

On the other hand I do concede that Windows XP is a bit tired and worn on the graphical side of things. However all is not lost on that front, and buying a copy of Vista isn’t the answer. You can make XP look a lot prettier very easily by installing a new visual theme. Many are hosted on the deviantART website though others can be found simply by searching Google. However for ease of application I recommend the XPize (4.6 beta 2) program. You simply download it, install it and hey presto, XP looks shiny and new again. Have a go!

Tip #2: Instead of searching the net for days looking for some freeware in order to covert a file, risking either the onset of scurvy or a nervous breakdown. Just use ZamZar!

I can’t tell you how happy I was to find this service. I had been searching for ages, trying to find a simple program able to convert windows media files into the quicktime video format. The problem was that the programs I found either cost money, produced a watermark over the video output, or were utterly crap!

Now being neither willing or indeed able to code my own program to do it, I was at my wits end. Yet the fear of failing my mission drove me onwards, and I went once more into the bowels of the Internet, left clicking away at all and sundry…..All seemed lost, when, as if by magic, I found this website www.zamzar.com My prayers were answered, it’s a fantastic service able to convert anything to pretty much anything. It’s quick, easy and most importantly, free of charge. Check it out, you won’t regret it!

Tip #3: Don’t bother buying a PDF maker.
The industry standard PDF kit is Adobe Acrobat. You likely have their reader, and very good it is too, if slightly larger than necessary. However unless you really need the digital signature aspect of it all, or the comments and other work related tools, and if all you really need is something that will generate PDF files, then there are many cheaper options out there.

Programs like cutePDF or my personal preference, primoPDF produce very good quality results,and you’ll not need to put your hand in your pocket to do it. To generate PDF’s they are set up like a printer, with windows thinking of them as such. However being virtual they print a .pdf file to a location on your PC ( I have mine set to the desktop), as opposed to a normal printer which will generate a paper print out. Thus if you can print a picture or document (for example from MS Office), then you can make a PDF out of it too!

The PC agony aunt is willing to help if you need it! Just ask a question in the comments below or send me an email: gregorh@gmail.com.

A new leaf?

Tonight my friends I shall be eating a nice lamb casserole, I’m sure it will be delicious, in fact I expect it to be so. The smells emanating from yonder kitchen are mouth watering.

The thing is, amongst the scent of fresh lamb and the rich aroma of freshly cooked tomatoes, another whiff is wafting so to speak, something that many would find abominable, however, and this is the crux of the story, a new fragrance previously maligned now whets my appetite moreso than the rest. Something has changed, and I like it.

It all started last year, a mere handful of weeks ago. I too was one of the haters. The vegetable of the season was on my blacklist, off limits, proscribed. Indeed; those squishy little green cabbages, the bringers of flatulence and folic acid to millions of care homes around the world were the fruit of the devil in my eyes. Brassica oleracea my dear? Someone would enquire, brassica off I would retort with a wink, an example of my razor sharp wit at its best.

However, and as far out of the blue as you could get, as if destiny herself had recently had an audit and decreed it anew, along came Christmas, the dinner was laid out, and my perceptions were thrown into a tailspin. I tentatively stabbed one of those bitter little green orbs with my festive fork and closing my eyes, took a bite. Instead of the foul weed I had expected, lord of the vegetables is what I found! By golly, I liked it!

So my friends that what I savour, the heady sulphuric odor of the humble Brussels Sprout. To me that little vegetable is now the telltale sign of a great dinner, and if I can change, so can you. Go on, give them another chance, you know it makes sense.