Have an above averagely cheerful winterval
December 13, 2006
Why do people become politically correct; I’d really like to know? I only ask because this morning I was was optically assaulted by my woefully uninspired Galaxy Chocolate advent calendar. I was hoping against hope that I may finally see something even remotely Christian in one of the brown swirly windows, I mean if it’s not the birth of Christ they’re counting down to, what the hell is it? does anything else happen on the 25th of December I don’t know about?
I only say this because today I was cruelly exposed to yet another affront to Christmas cheer, a spectacular drawing of a ‘bejeweled hair clip’! Yes that’s right a ‘bejeweled hair clip’, at least I think that’s what it was. It took me a good while to work it out. However it doesn’t end there. The other day I was lucky enough to be treated to a picture of a handbag, yes a bloody HANDBAG, and not even a festive one!? Did Mary sport a handbag, or even a bejeweled hair clip’? If she did they would be the first thing in this calendar even remotely Christian. Of course I should have been wise to Galaxy’s woeful sense of holiday spirit as this sort of thing had happened before! Yes one fateful day all of one week ago I came across not only a box of chocolates, but a pair of mittens. I suppose you’d have to ask all those African, South American and Antipodean Christians to assess the true relationship those mittens had to Christ, however I feel they may come to the same conclusion as I did, utter bollocks!
The thing is, I’m not even Christian. Being an agnostic, I do believe in a god*, however I just can’t subscribe to the whole organised religion bit. These Bible’s, Torah’s, and Qu’ran’s are just bunk as far as I’m concerned, however I still subscribe to Christian values on the whole, the focus on family, being good to each other, respect for oneself, and all that jazz. Christmas is perhaps the one day of the year when those ideals are to the forefront of everyone’s mind, and if it means putting up with organised religion for at least one day of the year, I can subscribe to it. However I am under no illusions as to what the day was inspired by or what it was about (originally), so to all those advent calendar producers out there I say this, stop being a bunch of sodding arseholes…amen.
* There either is a god or there isn’t, no one really knows, so I say hey, why not hedge your bets? If you’re wrong it doesn’t matter, and If god is a spiteful bastard who wont allow you in if you don’t believe, then I’ve got that covered too. I also find it makes me feel more comfortable, I don’t really know why, it just does.
I have a couple of points on this article:
1) You should be interested in the chocolate, and only the smooth brown goodness; who cares what is behind the bloody door!! I mean, I bet after Mary spat she hardly envisinged it being celebrated 2006yrs later by a bit of cardboard produced by confectionary giants – the whole idea of advent calenders is hardly “christian”?!!
2) If you have that much free time to write about an advent calender (that you’re too old for incidently…yes I didn’t get one this year!!) than you should email me all day – as GSK have paid me for the past 2 weeks to do dick all – & I too am bored outa my skull!!!
Love, & Xmas wishes,
Besty X
1) Besty, you don’t complain that superlight footballs aren’t in the spirit of it when they’re not inflated pigs bladders! Advent calendars are very Christian, advent being the period of waiting and preparation for JC’s birthday, it’s a big thing. The chocolate is incidental, though appreciated. Just a way of boosting sales I suppose.
2) I emailed you today besty, I assume you were too busy to reply!
3) Why is my wine glass empty, it must be filled toot sweet!
Love you to you big hairey apeth xx